We all know 2016 was a horror year where everything went wrong and 2017 hasn’t exactly gotten off to the best start, but old mate Virat Kohli gave us hope that things could turn around on Saturday.
The superstar Indian skipper and self-appointed King of Douches came to the crease in the second innings in Pune and if you haven’t seen it – oh boy do I feel sorry for you – decided to play for spin against the God Steve O’Keefe and let the ball crash into his off stump.
Coming after a duck in the first innings – his first ever on home soil in a test and first in any test since the golden days of 2014 – I feel comfortable in saying this was my favourite test match performance by Kohli.
I used all my mobile data on Saturday night sitting in the corner at the pub and ignoring my friends just to rewatch that moment over and over and it got me thinking: how many things are better than seeing the King toppled like that?
Below is the comprehensive list.
Richmond finishing ninth
A joy that never fades despite its regularity, Richmond finishing ninth and cueing heartbroken images off the cheer squad at the Punt Road end is pure footy porn.
Maybe it is better when they make the finals and the captain points the wrong way after winning the toss though.
That late night HSP
Oh yeah, you know what I’m talking about, with the drizzle of sauce over the top and the disgustingly beautiful look it gives you when you are halfway through and considering whether you should puke or push on, the HSP never lets you down.
Australia’s Kyrie Irving crossing up a defender
If there has been a better ground bound basketball player to watch than Australia’s Kyrie I haven’t seen them – don’t @ me.
When Australia’s Kyrie gets the switch onto a big man and pulls it out and tells his teammates to go stand in the corner the brightness on your screen just seems to go to new heights.
Yeah, we’re still claiming him as ours.
Warnie’s VB inspired mural
One of the great art works of the 21st century, a painting that adorns the halls of Shane Warne’s house is actually perfect.
Featuring greats such as Joe Hachem and Aaron Hamill enjoying a pool party at Warnie’s with lesser lights JFK, Muhammad Ali and an inexplicably semi-nude Angelina Jolie while Jack Nicholson joyfully presents a slab of VB, it is at least on par with the Sistine Chapel.
Steve Smith’s headband
I was slow to warm to the Australian skipper – a job reserved for a rough and ragged, merciless and ruthless bastard – wearing a headband as he batted, but seeing that fluffy and energetic fringe come to life in Pune warmed my heart.
I’m concerned he sought inspiration from Adam Zampa, but the headband is here to stay and long may it reign, because it’s only ever visible when Smudge is celebrating a ton.
As long as we don’t get stuck on those horrific Dwayne Bravo ads (no way we're embedding it, but you can watch it here) , Zooper Doopers will forever be the most important accessory of any summer.
It truly is the perfect way to cool down and eat half your body weight in sugar, just as long as you don’t get stuck with the yellow flavours, whatever the hell they are.
Remembering you have leftover pizza at home
Better the next day.
That’s it. I spent six hours trying to think of better things than Kohli’s demise/rewatching Kohli’s demise and these are the only things on this planet better than that moment.
May it live on forever.
Josh finds it easier to complain about things than to enjoy them despite his idyllic upbringing and lifestyle.